Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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