Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
