We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
