Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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