Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
