in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
