She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
