i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
