I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
