Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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