Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
