Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She bit a glass in half.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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