Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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