this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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