i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
