Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
