If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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