i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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