Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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