Come see our sink grown plant.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
