all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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