i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
