Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
