When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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