why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
