he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
