how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
