I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
