I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
