you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
