I'm really into asian looking animals
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
