I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
