Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
