So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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