You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
