I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
