ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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