At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
