She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
