She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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