He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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