I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
