i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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