I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
