its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
