We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
