So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
