You just made me feel so damn special
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
