oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
