Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
